Confused Liberal (Part 1)

I am confused. I’ve been experiencing this quite a bit since President Obama’s election. After eight years of George Bush’s shenanigans, the new (new) world order is wrecking havoc with my far left brain.

Perhaps this part of my brain (which I purposely shut off from 2000–2008 to keep from going insane) just isn’t warmed up and back in the game yet. Perhaps I really did go insane during the Bush years and this is a chronic, rather than an acute malady. Maybe. OR, maybe not. Let’s see if we can figure out what exactly the hell my problem is. Can anyone, anyone, please explain the following to me?

Why do conservatives object to video games like Halo and Grand Theft Auto, but seem to be trying to incite a riot with the mantra “Obama is coming for your guns”?
Help me here. Why are pretend guns not okay, but real ones are? How is it that violent video games are ruining the moral fabric of our youth and increasing teen violence, but red-blooded American Dads teaching their children how to take down a living, breathing, (and soon to be bleeding) twelve point buck is not? Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not attacking hunting. I’m just trying to figure out how shooting pretend people is so much worse than shooting real animals? I’ve been on a few hunting trips and I can honestly say each time I watched the hunter I was with slit the throat of the buck or doe he had just shot, I felt a little sick. I’ve never had the same reaction while blowing the head off the cartoon bad guy in my air conditioned game room. And another thing. Can someone please point me to the piece of proposed legislation that is going to take all the conservatives’ guns? I can’t find it. I know it must exist, because otherwise the fair and balanced news network would never report that the President is preparing to round up law abiding citizens’ guns. Seriously, you would think a former constitutional law professor would know better ... sheeesh!

How is it that conservatives get all lathered up about teenage pregnancy if it involves the unwed Jamie Lynn Spears, but not the unwed Bristol Palin?
C’mon. Surely there is a simple explanation that I am missing. It’s just that I can’t really find a difference here. Please point it out. Here is what my jaded, liberal eyes see. Two teenagers, both beautiful girls, both pregnant and keeping their babies. And neither have any apparent plans to wed. Here is what I need to know: 1) Why did Jamie’s mother allow her to turn into to such bad, amoral slut? and 2) What is it in the same set of surface circumstances that made Bristol into such a responsible, life-valuing, virtuous young woman? Really, really, I need to know this. If either of the Obama girls show up on the stage of the 2012 Democratic National Convention pregnant, us Democrats are going to want her put in the Bristol category. Any conservative secrets for how to achieve this will be much appreciated.

Why are conservatives so down on the Theocracy that is Iran, but flip out the second President Obama accurately points out that the United States is not a Christian nation?
Did I miss something? While I was asleep for the first eight years of the new millennium, did we become a Christian theocracy? Is Joel Olsteen our new mullah? Is this the explanation for our nation’s collective money orgy? Is this why I’m not wildly wealthy? Because I was unable to embrace the prosperity gospel while I was in my self-induced coma? Has anyone notified all the Jews and Muslims, not to mention the agnostics and atheists?

Why was it okay for Bush to hold hands with the Saudi King, but not for President Obama to offer a humble bow as a sign of respect?
And why do we care? Seriously, this five second piece of film has been aired and analyzed on a pretend news network more times than the entire world has viewed the Zapruder film. And as long we’re the subject of interactions with world leaders, please go ahead and fill me in on why the First Lady’s touch of the Queen of England was so shocking? Was it because the Queen touched her also? Are conservatives afraid of some kind of lesbian U.S./British conspiracy? Does the Queen have cooties? Do tell. I’m all ears.

Five Things I Wish Conservatives Understood About Liberals

I am misunderstood. I believe most liberals are. This is not because I am inarticulate or that (all) conservatives are necessarily closed-minded. Rather, I feel there are preconceptions regarding liberals that conservatives must first see past before they can ever hope to see us clearly. A basic set of assumptions that just are not true, no matter how many times they are repeated by the talking heads on the right or on a certain “news” network. I will agree to accept that not every conservative channels Ann Coulter and that MSNBC might lean a little left, if those of you from the right can at least consider the following with an open mind:

1. Liberals are not (necessarily) atheists, agnostics, or anti-Christian
A lot of us lead personally conservative lives, are active in our churches, and have a very firm Christian faith. We do not appreciate having our faith questioned anymore than you would. It is possible to be a radically, liberal Christian. Liberals understand that freedom of religion also means freedom from religion. So while I want my right to practice my faith protected, I understand that in order to achieve this, atheists’, agnostics’, Muslims’, and Jews’ rights must also be protected. Yes, I am saying that even the far right wing needs their rights protected. And another thing, no, I do not believe that there is a war on Christmas. One only need to patronize a retail establishment from October through December to see that Christmas is alive and well. If you believe that Christ has been taken out of Christmas, then you need to address this in your local church. Legislating a nativity scene onto your courthouse lawn won’t get Christ back into Christmas anymore than its absence will remove Him. Faith is personal. The Government represents all people, regardless of their faith or lack thereof. If you mix the two, you are endangering the very thing you are hoping to protect.

2. Liberals are not pro-abortion
Liberals believe that abortion should be rare, safe, and legal. Liberals begin with the premise that we must first begin to value life that exists outside the womb. Liberals understand that we won’t decrease the abortion rate until we, as a nation, support and value adoption, address poverty, provide access to health care (including birth control), strengthen families and our educational system for all our citizens. The causes of unwanted pregnancies are complicated and varied. If you give young girls hope, an education, a purpose, a path out of poverty, and yes, access to birth control, you’ll have fewer unwanted pregnancies and therefore, fewer abortions. Will this eliminate all abortion? No, but neither will criminalizing women and doctors.

3. Liberals are not “angry” (all the time)
I’ve always been confused by the “angry” label that gets hung around liberals’ collective necks. Do we get angry? Sure, I do. I get angry about injustice, poverty, greed, and stupidity. I loathe selfishness and self-promotion. I happen to know a lot of conservatives who get angry about some of those things as well. I’ve seen a lot more angry conservatives since President Obama’s election. Does this mean their views are liberalizing? Doubtful. It means they see something they don’t like and it’s making them mad. Welcome to the party. Martinis all around.

4. Liberals are not socialists
Or fascists, or Marxists, or communists. Liberals believe in a free market. However, we understand that each administration walks a tightrope that spans too much regulation on the one side and too little on the other. Do we think there was too little regulation during the last eight years? Well, to quote one of my “favorite” conservatives, “You betcha.” However, just because we are for addressing this oversight in an aggressive fashion does not mean we want the banks and all industry nationalized. We would have preferred to not be faced with these huge economic issues in the first place. But, it is what is. You play the hand you were dealt the best you can.

5. Liberals are not (all) snobby elitists from Ivy League schools
If one of my children has the opportunity to attend an Ivy League school (c’mon Standford soccer scholarship), I’ll jump for joy. However, whether or not that happens is not the important point. What is important is that my children attend a university. I care a whole lot less about what they study than the experience they have while attending a university. I care greatly that they are exposed to different points of view (yes, gasp!, even conservative ones) and learn to reason and think for themselves. Logic is key. We haven’t had a lot of that in the collective sense recently and look where that has led. I care about the opportunities my children will have in life that otherwise will not be afforded to them if they do not receive a higher education. One need only to check the difference in unemployment rates between college educated workers and those who do not posses a college education to see how important this can be from a practical standpoint.

From a philosophical standpoint, I think it is the difference between having a quality life and fighting each day for quality of life. If after attending a university my children find their passion in a profession that does not require a college degree, I’ll support them all the way. However, I believe it better to choose among many options than to make the best out of limited ones.

Oh, and just one more little footnote. Whenever I stir the conservative pot with my writing, it seems inevitable that I come across as sounding fat and ugly. I don’t know why that this, but someone always feels a need to point out that I’d be an excellent candidate for Extreme Makeover. For my group of “fans” that fall into this category, I’ll make a deal with you. If you get me a spot on Extreme Makeover, I’ll read a book to you while I’m recuperating from my plastic surgery and we’ll call it even.

Please

I am a safety nut. I have one friend who actually calls me “Safety Sally.” Primarily, my nuttiness applies to my children, but I’m pretty personally nutty as well. We wear our seatbelts, sunscreen, and bike helmets. We take the lightening detectors at the soccer fields very seriously. If lightening even looks like a possibility, my children are out the pool before they can utter a protest. We also do not bathe or talk on the phone if lightening is in the area. I recently woke both children from a dead sleep, dragged them down the stairs and into the powder bath because a tornado warning had been issued for my county. My almost twelve-year-old son still does not ride in the front seat of my truck, which has a passenger side air bag. My children are driven the ten minute walk home from school, through our nice neighborhood, and past their friends walking to the their own homes. You get the idea. I’m the better-safe-than-sorry mom.

My family owns ATVs and I’ve reluctantly indulged my husband and my children in this risky activity. However, we wear helmets, goggles, gloves, long pants, boots, and chest protection at all times when riding. We ride on designated trails and avoid areas where the dirt biking crowd likes to hang. My children’s ATVs have orange flags that protrude several feet into the air behind them as they ride. They have wristbands that are connected to the keys that will kill the engine the second they have an accident. I still worry, but have done all I can to mitigate the risk.

“Safety Sally” was created in two ways. The irrational fears I have came from being raised by a mother who is, indeed, afraid of her own shadow, mysterious one-in-a-million diseases, bizarre lightening out of a clear blue sky, and many other things that have yet to happen in the history of mankind, but are sure to occur at any second. The real, logical, and common things I am afraid of came from being raised in rural East Texas. Young men die a lot in East Texas. I don’t know any other way to put it. They do. They hunt, they boat, they drink, they drive. They don’t wear hunting safety vests, life jackets, or seat belts. And when they drive, they drive fast. As a young girl, it didn’t take me long to notice that every time one of these types of tragedies occurred someone, usually the mother, lamented the fact that if only the deceased had … (insert worn a safety vest, life jacket, or seat belt here). It seemed so simple, at least to me. I don’t live in a bubble, but I mitigate the risks of the world whenever I can.

Last week, my family received a heartbreaking reminder about what can happen if risk is not mitigated. My uncle and seventeen-year-old cousin went on a routine fishing trip. I dare anyone to find a more experienced boater than my uncle or a child who spent more time on a boat than my cousin. They knew what they were doing. They were not drinking. Another boat was not involved. A thousand times they had been fishing on this lake and returned safely. A thousand times since my cousin turned twelve (the legal age for going without a life jacket in Texas) they had not worn life jackets. A thousand times life jackets in the boat’s storage compartment accompanied them. But on this day, this one day, they needed their life jackets. The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department says that ninety percent of boating fatalities in Texas are not wearing life jackets. Six people drowned in single boat accidents on Texas lakes in March, including my uncle and cousin. Not one was wearing a life jacket.

We will never know for sure exactly what happened. But this we do know. At some point during their return trip to shore both left the boat and entered the water. Both drowned. The experts have told us that without life jackets they had almost no chance of survival. The search for them began three hours after they left the boat. The search for my uncle continued for five days. It took ten days to find my cousin. If you won’t wear a life jacket while boating to save yourself, please wear one so that your family does not have to stand on the shore of a lake wondering where underneath all that water your body might possibly be. Please wear one because there are people that will miss you when you are gone. People that are not done loving you. People who will never be the same without you. Wear one because you love someone and they love you back.