Kristi's Sarah Palin FAQ

My email box exploded last Friday afternoon.
E-X-P-L-O-D-E-D. Apparently, I've developed quite a reputation for my opinions about Sarah Palin. And, I'll admit that I have missed her in a weird kind of way. She was quite the muse for me as a writer last fall. I told one friend over the weekend that if she (not if there is a God in Heaven) is ever elected President, I'll immediately be propelled to stardom as the Left's answer to Ann Coulter. (I might even throw on a pair of Naughty Monkey's for my book tour just to add a touch of irony to the whole thing.)

Okay, so what everyone wants to know is what I have to say about Sarah's unexpected resignation as the Governor of Alaska. Surprisingly (not really), I have quite a bit to say about it. However, Sarah has put nasty pajama-blogging, terrorist-loving, unpatriotic, left-wing, socialists like myself on notice that she is not going to take the defamation a minute longer. Where I come from, that's just the equivalent of an "I double dog dare ya to write about me". So, here goes.

After wading through the emails and questions I received about Sarah, I determined that by answering each and every email I had already written my next article about her.

Kristi's Sarah Palin FAQ

Were you surprised that Sarah resigned?
Yes.

Are you glad?
Very.

What were you doing when you heard the news?
I was walking through my living room with a bowl of cookies and cream ice cream when I noticed CNN was broadcasting a Sarah press conference. The screen said something like "Palin resigns as Governor of Alaska". If I had been a cartoon character, you would have heard tire-screeching as I immediately stopped in my tracks, reached for the remote, and cranked up the volume.

Do you think Sarah's a quitter?
She quit didn't she? And her job before that... and the one before that. And five university's before finally graduating from the sixth. Need I say more?

Do you think Sarah will run for President in 2012?
To use her own words, "Hell Yeah." I'm not sure the GOP is going to be happy about it. But, considering the recent hikes of Senator Ensign and Governor Sanford on the Appalachian Trail, she may end up being the GOP candidate after all. If the GOP would listen to that loud-talker, Joe Scarborough, they might actually have a chance with someone more reasonable like Governor Crist or Governor Pawlenty. I don't see this happening though. The GOP does not seem to be ready to shake loose from the far right that is holding it hostage.

Do you think there is a brewing scandal?
Seriously, who can know? I'm a pretty firm believer that in politics as in marriage, where there is smoke there is fire. If there is a scandal coming, I cannot express how relieved I will be that it was contained to Alaska instead of spilling into Washington, D.C. I will make this prediction. If she is ever elected to national office, before she is done there will be a Bushesque scandal. She would do well to study Yertle the Turtle before she takes on another leadership position. Come to think of it, she could also use a big ole dose of The Lorax as well.

What do you think about her calling out Alaska blogger Shannyn Moore?
I think pretty much what Shannon thinks about it - Sarah is a "bully and coward". She can dish it out, but she can't take it. As I said in an article about Sarah last fall, there is no whining in motherhood or politics. Unless, of course, you're Sarah.

Do you think she's been treated unfairly by the media because she's a conservative woman?
NO. I think she has an undisciplined mind and no filter between it and her mouth. What is the media supposed to do with that? Is the media supposed to ignore her grammar, under-education, bizarre syntax, and politically self-destructive behavior? Are they supposed to just smile and nod when no one can figure out what she's talking about? She wanted to be second in command of the greatest nation on earth. When you're that high profile you have to learn to rise above your critics. Instead, she chooses to get down in the ditch with them.

Isn't it true you dislike her so much because you are jealous?
Of what? Why in the world would I want to be three years older, have three more children, a grandchild, be unemployed, and live in Wasilla, Alaska? My life isn't perfect, but I'm good.

Don't you feel like you should vote for her because she's a woman?
No more than I felt a need to vote for George Bush because he was from Texas.