I Hate That!

Slamming my finger in anything

Migraine headaches

Vicoden and Valium require a doctor’s prescription

Stubbing my toe

Closed casket funerals (If you die and I care enough about you to actually put on panty hose and attend your funeral, I want to see you dead. This helps me know you’re really dead and to get closure and not expect to see you again. It also helps me to focus on the wonderful things the minister says about you instead of wondering what your mother-in-law has dressed you in and if your body is destined to spend eternity wearing a less than flattering shade of lipstick.)

Cellulite

The slapping noise my breasts make against my rib cage if I run up the stairs without a bra

Morning sickness

Babies die

Sports bras worn as “bra tops” There is NO SUCH THING AS A BRA TOP. There are bras, tops, and tops that contain built in bras. It’s a bra and you’re wearing it without a top. You wouldn’t wear just your thong around the gym, please don’t wear just your bra. I understand we all have nipples, I don’t need visual confirmation of yours.)

Greed

Prejudice

Bigotry

My mother insisting on asking what I’m bringing to Christmas dinner - in J-U-L-Y. (If you ask me in July, the answer is NOTHING.)

My mother insisting on Christmas shopping for my children - in J-U-L-Y. (Who knows what they will be into in six months or what size they will be then? If you force me to give an answer in July, its your own fault they don’t like your gift.)

Poverty

Homelessness

Hunger

People who feel sorry for my children because I work. (Don’t worry about my kids, worry about your own that don’t get much of a chance to be away from you and your judgment.)

Hypocrisy

Evil

Self-Righteousness

Stupid people who drive, talk to me, shop where I shop, are elected to any position of power, or are on TV.

Cell phone stalkers (I have caller id and know how to check my missed calls and access my voicemail. I am not deaf and if I didn’t answer, it’s NOT because I didn’t hear the phone.)

Fear

Self-doubt

Thongs located anywhere but on my feet

Telemarketers

Men who insist on taking up a pedicure chair that would otherwise be available to me (You make more money than I do, you’ve never had a period, a baby or a pap spear and you can have an orgasm as easy as you can snap your fingers... get out of my chair.)