Thursday, October 30, 2008

A Dictionary for Sarah Palin

I’ve made no secret of how much I loathe Sarah Palin. She has gotten under my skin in a way Newt Gringrich could only dream of. Dick Cheney and George Bush can only aspire to achieve the level of agitation that Sarah produces. Really, the only other person that is even in same league with Sarah is that purveyor of political pornography, Ann Coulter. However, even Ann Coulter can’t hold my ire like Palin.

It has not been lost on me that Sarah has actually been good for me in one small way. She has, after all, compelled my compulsion to write to whole new level. And because of this, much to my surprise, a few people have actually started reading what I write. So, because I typically try to show my appreciation to those who do something nice for me, I’d like to offer the following to Sarah as a thank you gift. May it serve her well.

A Reference Dictionary for Sarah Palin

Liberal (lib-er-uhl): noting or pertaining to a political party advocating measures of progressive political reform.

This is kind of like being a maverick, except you actually reform something.

Vice President: the officer of this rank who is elected at the same time as the President and who succeeds to the presidency on the resignation, removal, death, or disability of the President.

This is kind of like being the first runner-up in a beauty pageant, except you can cause damage to the entire free world if you’re not up for this job.

Newspaper: a publication issued at regular and usually close intervals, especially daily or weekly, and commonly containing news, comment, features, and advertising.

In case you ever need some examples: The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Economist, and The Wall Street Journal.

American: of or pertaining to the United States of America or its inhabitants; an American citizen.

Please note there is no distinction between ”real” Americans and whatever, might possibly be, the alternative. See “American citizen.”

Pit Bull: A strong muscular terrier of an American breed with powerful jaws, a broad skull, and short hair, originally developed for dog fighting.

Perhaps you’ve got this one down.

Terrorist: a person who terrorizes or frightens others.

See “Pit Bull” or the closest mirror.

Feminist: the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

This does not mean trading on your looks.

Satire: the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

See your appearance on SNL.

Barack Obama: the next President of the United States.

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