Sunday, May 24, 2009

Seven Reasons I Don't PTA: By Mommy's Space

I invited my friend Tawnia from Mommy's Space to write a PTA piece for my blog. Boy, did she ever deliver. I've long suspected that the PTA is the same in every school. Now I have confirmation that the Stepford PTA is exactly the same as Tawnia's in Washington state. Enjoy - I certainly did! Thanks Tawnia for brightening my day with this.


SEVEN REASONS WHY I DON'T PTA

So it is that time of the month again! No… not Aunt Flow… Even better, its PTA meeting time. (The thought of The Parent Teacher Association does give me cramps, and mood swings though.) They will pressure you to join, beg for your help, gossip about you , and then make you feel bad about yourself for not wanting be in their cult. Gee… sounds great! When can I start?

I have a theory about all those hormonal, two faced women in charge of all things “that are not that important” at my child’s school. I have come to believe that each woman at every PTA across America fits into one of these seven categories; Sleazy, Frumpy, Mopey, Crafty, Bossy, Scared, and Lost. I know sounds familiar doesn’t it! Mirror… mirror on the wall… which is the worst one of them all?

Sleazy: Now this harlot needs no introduction. You can smell her before you see her. She shows up to PTA meetings in thigh high boots and a tube top (so does her 7year old daughter). She could care less about making a difference in her child’s education. She is just hoping to wrap her legs around the principal.

Frumpy: This woman is the opposite of Sleazy! She looks like she belongs at a Star Trek convention. Odd and out of place. She argues her points, asks too many questions, and is intent on changing this school for the better, one PTA meeting at a time!

Mopey: This woman comes to every meeting. She sits in the back, and she never says a word. Nobody ever remembers her name, or who her child is. No one is even sure if she belongs there, or if she just shows up for the free food!

Crafty: Here she comes packing a glue gun, duct tape, construction paper, and stencils. This lady is the MacGyver of the gymnasium. She can make you a photo backdrop for the school dance out of dental floss, toilet paper, and cardboard.. Crafty and Frumpy are almost always best friends!

Bossy: This bitch runs the show. Or at least she acts like she does! She tells everyone what to do, and how to do it. You can spot her because she never shuts-up! She takes this job seriously. She has no home life, and her kids can’t stand her. Oh … and her best friend Sleazy is banging her husband!

Scared: You can find her following Bossy around carrying all her stuff and hanging on every word she says! Scared is a Bossy in the making! She’s just here to make a difference, but all she ever does is all the things Bossy does not want to do. Scared rarely has an opinion or original thought of her own.

Lost: The new girl. She is trying so hard to fit in, no one likes her, and they all talk shit about her. She has no idea what she is doing, or how to do it. She Thinks Sleazy is pretty, Frumpy is smart, Crafty is amazing, she never notices Mopey, Bossy is her idol, and she is waiting for Scared to quit so she can take her job following Bossy around!

Ladies give it up! You are a joke to the education system! The principal barely tolerates you (except you Sleazy he is waiting for you in his office), the teachers hate you, and the other parents are tired of you! You are not helping improve your child’s education by talking bad about each other, fighting for a new school mascot, and decorating for the holidays. Just go home and parent your kids!

4 Comments:

marne1 said...

Fro someone who doesn't allow any hate on her site this piece is certainly disobeying all the rules. Sorry to hear you have it so bad at your school but I can assure you that in some communities PTA really does make a difference and those volunteers are respected not cruelly mocked.

Kristi Stevens said...

Marne, I'm sorry if this offends you. However, with most things that I find humorous, this piece is a satire. Satire is harsh. Harsh does not equal hate. I take exception to this point from your comment. This is certainly not the only humorous thing on my blog that is harsh. It is but one perspective on the PTA. It is apparently one you don't agree with and see no humor in. That's cool. We don't all have the same sense of humor. Best, K

SFI Group Inc said...

Hello, Marne. I am a former PTA treasurer. This was meant to be funny, an exaggeration of stereo types to make you smile:) I am sorry you were offended. I don't think Krisit has any rules on her site (except be nice or leave:)
Mommy Space

Kimberly said...

Thought this was wickedly funny.

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