Monday, May 4, 2009

Quips & Quotes Around Stepford

Alright, I've decided to start keeping a record of all the ridiculous stuff people say to me. Everytime someone says something outrageous I think, "Hey. That could write." But, I rarely get around to writing an entire article out of one stupid quote. So, I've decided to start a series called Quips & Quotes where I can group two or three stupid things together for a quick laugh.

Here is the first installment. Enjoy!

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From my mom after her most recent overdose of Fox News, "If Obama does not stop bussing Mexicans across the border we're all going to have Swine Flu by the end of the week!"

At this, I can only marvel at all the random ways DNA can align itself. I am very, very thankful for my own alignment that has apparently placed all my mom's genes in the recessive slot behind my father's.

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From my brother (who I truly love): "Do you believe in global warming?"

After my WTF pause, I replied: "Noooo. I believe in God. Science does not require me to believe in anything."

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From a fellow Stepford Wife after I disclosed I had taken my daughter to see the Hannah Montana Movie, "Was it appropriate?"

I replied (genuinely confused), "What do you mean?"

She says, "Any inappropriate sexual content?"

BIG WTF pause here. I'm thinking to myself, "I did say the Hannah Montana Movie, right??? I'm pretty sure Disney isn't going to let Miley loose her virginity in a movie geared for eight year old girls."

I did mangage to get out of my mouth, "Um. No. I thought it was fine."

I walked away thinking, "Holy Shit. I'm glad I didn't tell her I took both my kids to see Seventeen Again and my son's new favorite quote is 'Use a condom everytime!'"

I mean, hey, if your twelve year old son has to have a favorite quote, at least it's one that promotes safe sex.

2 Comments:

Sarah said...

Oh no, the swine flu, please, anything but that!!!! LMAO!!! I am so tired of hearing about it that I can't see straight!!!

Stelly said...

I am so glad I am just now learning about your son's favorite quote :)

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