STEPFORD STORIES: New Template (Again)

Perhaps this will be the last template? So much to learn....

Rules I Live By

1. Thou shall not speak Redneck.

2. When you can walk in heels, you can wear them.

3. Do not phone stalk. I am not deaf.

4. There is no such thing as a "bra top". It's a bra and you're wearing it without a top.

5. There is no circumstance that exists where my eyes should see your thong.

6. If you wax, I don't need to know.

7. If you need to wax, please do.

8. Paint your toenails - often.

9. Respect my personal space. If I can hear you breathing, you're too close.

10. If you hate me, I can live without knowing it and you will survive without telling me.

Rules For My Children

1. Pokemon Trainer is not a real profession.

2. There is no profession I will approve of that includes a pole.

3. Sometimes the only way out of something is through it.

4. Life isn’t fair, but you’ve gotten a better start than 99% of the world’s population.

5. Money will not make you happy, but it can make your life a whole lot easier (so work hard).

6. If you’re not getting what you want, trying giving someone else what they want.

7. Sarcasm is encouraged.

8. Gratitude is required.

9. Your life will not turn out how you planned.

10. Number 9 is a good thing.

11. While honesty is the best policy, knowing when to shut up is just as critical.

12. Be kind to wait staff, they have hard jobs and they have control over the food you are going to put in your mouth.

13. Alcohol, a piece of plywood, a flight of stairs and a fire extinguisher should never be used at the same time.

14. Tattoos are permanent, piercing are not.

15. Vote ... Vote ... Vote ... Vote!

STEPFORD STORIES

Sunday, July 5, 2009

New Template (Again)

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About Kristi

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